In 2016 I authored a post, “Do You Pray?”

It wasn’t really a question of others, as much as it was a statement of my fact of my life. It was a fact then, it is a fact now.

Today, I find myself doing a lot of praying about a lot of things. I pray for my wife, my kids, my dog. I pray for my Mom and my brothers and sisters and their families. I pray for the work that I do, the staff I lead, the Board of Directors that supports our work.

I pray for the suicide loss survivors and I pray for those they have lost to suicide.

A little over a year ago, after a particularly challenging and difficult time in my life, I made a promise to God for a miracle He brought to my life: I would go to church every Sunday.

This may seem a bit quid pro quo, but, for someone who believes in miracles, I do not take such realities in my life likely. So, after decades of having failed to attend church on any regular basis, I returned to mass and, with few exceptions, have been to Sunday mass every Sunday since then.

Not long after this commitment, I also took to spending an hour every Thursday morning at 5:00 a.m. in the https://saintambrosecatholic.org/ adoration chapel. It’s an hour I get to spend with Jesus. Sometimes in prayer. Sometimes with a Rosary. Sometimes lost in my thoughts about work, life, my blessings and my gratitude.

Over the past few months, as a part of my long morning walks, I find myself taking a detour to sneak into the chapel. In fact, my walks have become a sort of divining rod in search of ways to express gratitude, seek wisdom, guidance and courage in my life. And, to ask for help.

Every morning I set out on my walk I have deliberately made sure that my journey would take me past the church and from there I would say, “Hello, God!” and recite the Lord’s Prayer and a Hail Mary, and then begin a ritual of expressing gratitude, prayers for my family, and a lot of other things.

Along the way, the detour to the chapel no longer became a detour, but a part of the journey in a life in which my destination has not be achieved.

The chapel doesn’t make my praying anymore powerful (as far as I know!) but it does allow me some focus, and time for reflection, and it’s a powerful boost during any morning in which I wake uncertain, anxious, unsettled and, needing some Hope.

My time in the chapel on these days can be five minutes, it can be ten minutes, or even fifteen minutes, but it’s time I calculate into my walk with the plan I get home before the occupants of my house disperse for the day so I can tell them “I love you.”

As the CEO of http://www.save.org I readily admit that I actively seek out guidance, wisdom, humility and Hope from God. I couldn’t do the job I have at SAVE without the powerful tool of prayer in my life. There are days of knowing of the pain and sorrow of those who have lost someone they deeply love to suicide. There are days of struggle for my Team who do such hard work to save someone else’s life who I look upon with gratitude, awe and appreciation for their passion and commitment. There are days of wondering how money will be raised to support all it is we need and want to do to fulfill our mission.

There are days when I wonder if anything we’re doing is making any difference at all.

It’s on those days when my eyes are closed tighter, my hands are clasped more firmly, and my words take on a greater sense of urgency, striving for clarity, seeking comfort, asking for guidance, for wisdom, to be free from hubris, to act with humility, to be patient for and to people, not allow patience to be an excuse for inaction, and above all else, to remember the purpose for why it is I am here at all.

I’m here for Hope.

I am here to find it. I am here to give it.

I can’t find it without prayer.

I can’t give it without prayer.

To give Hope to others, I need to have Hope for myself.

Without prayer, there is no Hope.

And, so, I continue to pray.